is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
