well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
