I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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