physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
