Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
