Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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