Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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