its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
