I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
