I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
