i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
