My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
