haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
