He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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