You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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