I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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