Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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