A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
