can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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