The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
