There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
