i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish i was in the wii world.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
