Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
