I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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