I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
