Porn is love you can see.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am available for nakedness
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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