we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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