Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
