I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
