My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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