Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
