Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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