2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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