Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
