Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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