So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
