Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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