Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
