I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
