Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
