pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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