I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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