I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
