When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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