My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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