idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
