Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
