My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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