New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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