I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
