Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
