I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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