Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
