Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
