I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I still have a little drunk in my system
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