I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
