were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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