Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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